（全）1.18精品大作文笔记

013jeff0308(26565811) 4:18:19 PM

As is known to all , movies and electronic games have a close relationship with us in our lives . However , these which is full of violent pictures are harmful to the stabilization and peace of society . I believe that these violent elements should be prohibited for creating a amicable surrounding .

评：最多6分（死在骚上，用了很多自己不熟悉的词，很中国式） ○注必死项 ◇

? 复杂必死

? 中翻译英必死 ? 变化必死

018格瓦拉0215(419996099) 4:18:24 PM

At present, some people believe that digital entertainment filled with violence content, which has become increasingly prevalent, should be forbidden because of its adverse impact on the community. However, others argue that these recreations are innocuous.

注犯四个语法错误，很难保证6分 ◇

1. 句子没有谓语动词

2. 谓语动词有问题（不完整） 3. 两个动词 4. 词性错误

16:24:08

people think it necessay to impose restriction on violent films and games because it pose a threat to society.from my prospective,i believe banning this type of media context has a effective impact on people and society

? people consider it necessary to impose restrictions on violent films and

games because of the adverse impact on the public. From my prospective, i believe this initiative can benefit us. (c)

评：大概6.5分水平 ○

主体段一：AC +B + C+ 拓展（结果） +特定化

【A】禁止媒体和游戏暴力

【B】观众没有模仿对象（role models）

【C】暴力行为（aggressive behaviour）会减少

【特定化】年轻人没有辨别能力（ Discriminate between right and wrong）

容易受到同龄人影响（delinquent peers） 通过暴力来泄愤（vent anger）

评讲学生：

? 写中心句【A+C】（句式1）

021Yanni0308(2501573604) 4:40:42 PM

The ban of violent media has a significant impact on reducing aggressive behviour.

评：5.5分 ○

030Liz1/3/14(123280312) 4:40:45 PM

The prohibition of films and games violence can reduce aggressive behaviour，such as murder and drug trafficking， as audience have no rule models to mimic. 评：5.5分，而且写的是A+B ○

? The restriction on violence in the media has a positive effect on the audience because it can curb aggressive behaviour. (c)【中心句A+C】

? 写【B】（句式7）

035走走0215+0222(635397734) 4:48:57 PM

Without violent elements in media or games, audiences and computer players fail to find role models，which has made it easy for them to reduce harmful behaviours.

? Due to the lack of role models, people are less likely to commit violent acts.

→ Due to the lack of role models, people are less likely to commit violent acts and it is easier to maintain social stability.【B+C+拓展】

? 写特定化（定语从句）

041qingqing_0215(2046992519) 4:57:49 PM

This is particularly the case for young people who are susceptible to delinquent peers. They may fail to discriminate right from wrong and vent their anger through violent actions.

评：满分啊，词伙用的好，7分水平！！！ ○

044兔子猫0215(747635409) 4:58:03 PM

The youth who lackdiscriminate between right and wrong, they are easily influenced

by the elinquent peers and try to vent anger through aggressive behaviour.

? The limited exposure to violence is particularly important for young people,

who are not able to discriminate right from wrong and may act violently to vent anger. 【特定化】

? 完成主体段一

? The restriction on violence in the media has a positive effect on the

audience because it can curb aggressive behaviour. Due to the lack of role models, people are less likely to commit violent acts and it is easier to maintain social stability. The limited exposure to violence is particularly important for young people, who are not able to discriminate right from wrong and may act violently to vent anger. (c)

主体段二：AC + 背景化 + B + 解释 + C

【A】看电影和玩游戏

【B】释放压力（reduce levels of stress），逃避每天的枯燥生活（escape the daily grind） 【C】对健康（mental health）有好处

【背景化】观众能够分辨虚幻和现实（distinguish facts from fiction）

评讲学生：

? 写中心句AC（句式8）

056角落0222 5:09:24 PM

On the other hands, watching movies and playing games have made it positive for people to maintain mental health.

评：6分 ○

060AirJordan0222(370593316) 5:09:45 PM

However,opponents argue that these type of films and PC games make it possible for people to keep fit

评：6分，两位同学都有语法错误，但能对应题目，还可以 ○

? On the other hand, opponents argue that movies and computer games

have made it possible for people to maintain health to some extent. (c)【中心句A+C】

评：to some extent在某种程度上 ○

? 写背景化（句式7）

068Elma0315(564120518) 5:17:37 PM

Through watching movies and playing games the audience is able to distinguish facts from fiction

评：语法没有错误，理解错误，不是通过看电影来分辨 ○

064Laura-2.22(811682489) 5:17:47 PM

The audience has ability to distinguish facts from ficition. Therefore, people are likely to make theri own decisions. 评：中文翻译 ○

065小勤奋315(675421183) 5:17:49 PM

media made it possible for people to distinguish facts from fiction 评：过去时，错误，大作文用不到过去时 ○

? People are able to distinguish facts from fiction, and this is why they are not likely to copy violent acts in the real world. (c)【背景化】

评：奥妙在于，两个单句，通过and this is why 来连接起来，变成复杂句 ○

? 不要小看单句，单句写好了，拼起来就是复杂句！

? 写B and this is why（句式9）

076silver301(463408461) 5:23:48 PM

Programs with violence have provided the audiencean outlet to reduce levels of stress they suffered in daily life and an escape from daily treadmill.

评：写了个比较复杂的定语从句，不是特别好，suffered○

后面是过去时，其实用不到

过去式的，但读起来还算通顺，分数还可以，大概6.5

077yuki0222(805297890) 5:23:48 PM

enjoy films and video games can provide people with opportunies to reduce levels of stress and escape the daily grind.

评：拿不到6分。两个动词，enjoy、provide。5.5分 ○