高三英语复习课中对一节作文讲评课的分析与思考-王彩艳

mountain, or going to an amusement park. Finally, we decided to go mountain climbing.

? The next day, we set off early in the morning. While climbing the mountain, we enjoyed the warm sunshine and a beautiful view. However, when we reached the top, we were shocked to see litter here and there. Then we started to pick up the litter. Afterwards, we put the rubbish into the nearby recycling bin and non-recycling bin respectively.

? 给学生两分钟的时间读这篇文章，然后进行小组活动，组员之间讨论这篇文章让读者读起来感觉很流畅的原因是，通过引导学生总结出三点：1. Natural transitions 2. Suitable details 3. Accuracy &Riches

? [分析]这个任务的设计是让学生首先要会欣赏好的文章，然后才能使自己写出好文章。也为下一个教学任务做好铺垫。 ? Step two

? 教师通过PPT展示本节课前学生的写作任务及一个学生的作文第一稿（注：未经任何改动，但备课前和她商量愿意作为班级修改的作文，这是对学生情感的尊重）

? 假如你是红星中学高三一班的学生李华，为校刊英语园地写一篇题为“A Volunteer Day”的英文稿件。请根据以下四幅图所提供的情景，叙述去年12月5日（The International Volunteer Day）你班志愿者日活动的完整过程。

?

? One of the students’ passage

? Our monitor assigned tasks. We were all excited and interested in volunteer work.

5

? Some students went to patrol with the guard of our school. ? Some students trimmed flowers and trees because they love plants.

? Most of us went to help the teacher to clear Lab. The others students helped chef cook our lunch. Washing and cutting is an interesting thing.

? In the end, we selected the top 10 volunteers. The students who got the prize were proud of it.

? The activity enriched our knowledge and broadened our horizon. ? Task 1: Does the draft achieve the following aspects? Let’s evaluate it! ? ? Accuracy richness ? Suitable details ? Natural transitions (linking words) ? 【分析】给学生2分钟的时间阅读学案上的这篇学生的作品，然后让他们自己根据我为他们设计的评价表对这篇文章进行分析，学生们对于Accuracy and richness 给了average的档次，而对于suitable details and Natural transitions 给了poor的档次，学生分析的还是很到位的。说明在Step One 中所设计的教学任务对学生的指导有一定的实效性。既然学生的写作在流畅性上存在问题，那么我的教学任务的设计就是要对症下药。下面的教学任务的设计我采用了从先从训练单句的准确性丰富性的表达，合适的细节的增加，自然的过渡词的使用再上升到对文段的修改，最终使得全文表达流畅准确。 ? Task2. Gain coherence from accuracy and richness. ? I. Guided Revision-Accuracy

? [分析]以下三句话中的错误是学生的第一稿中普遍存在的问题，那就是对这几个词的准确用法不清楚的。因此这个教学活动的设计是先让学生试着改，然后我通过PPT呈现这几个词在这几个句子中的准确用法。

? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? excellent and ? ? good ? ? average ? poor ? ? 6

? 1. Our group was on target to patrol the campus with the guard. “on target”means “ a result that you try to achieve”eg: The new sports complex is on target to open in June.“ 新建的体育中心可能会在六月份如期开放。” 所以“ on target”用在此句中不是很恰当，可以用以下的词组进行替换： be responsible for, be in charge of, take charge of

? 2. After that we went to the lab to clean the equipment/ instruments/ tools. 在这个句中学生对于实验仪器用了“equipment, instrument, 及tool”貌似准确，实际上不是很恰当。这几个词的英文解释分别是：

? Office equipment, eg typewriter, photocopiers, sports equipment

? Surgical instrument: a mechanical implement , esp, one used for delicate work.

? 所以在这里Lab apparatus is the most suitable one. ? 3. Finally, we selected / chose the top 10 volunteers. ? voted/ elected

? Ⅱ Guided Revision- Richness & Vividness

? [分析]下面的教学活动的设计是通过举例先让学生理解掌握如何使单句变得更加的准确丰富，可以通过对名词，动词进行修饰，把较低级别的短语替换成高级别的短语，并且通过所学的高级语法把单句变成复合句，从句可使用分词的形式替换，倒装句，强调句等，然后学生进行真正的体验，此活动是要求学生在学案上独立完成，然后班级分享。 ? Polish up words and phrases! ? e.g. A Λ teacher is walking towards me.

? e.g. When he was a child, he wanted to learn everything ? was eager to learn everything/ had a strong appetite for knowledge/ was desperate for knowledge/ had a strong desire for learning… ? 1) The trees and grass disappeared ∧. ? gradually/ at an alarming speed ? 2) When ∧ wind blows, the sand …

7

? strong/ heavy/ violent/ fierce

? 3) …, people should be punished be responsible / be to blame ? for the bad result . serious consequences ? 4) We must ask call on/ appeal to the public to protect the environment. ? 。

? Ⅲ. Guided Revision- Richness & Vividness ? Use advanced sentence structures! ? e.g. There was so much noise troubling me. I couldn’t go on studying. ? (with复合结构)

? → I couldn’t go on studying with so much noise troubling me.

? 1) The trees and grass disappeared. At last, the forest turned into a wasteland. (with复合结构)

? → At last, with the trees and grass disappearing, the forest turned into a wasteland

? 2.) If each of us takes action, we will build a harmonious society. (only when 引导的倒装句)

? Only when each of us takes action can we build a harmonious society ? 3.) We can reach our target and get the final achievement in this way. (only +介词短语引导的倒装句）

? . Only in this way can we reach our target and get the final achievement. ? 4) Some years later, people wanted to develop economy. They began to cut down the trees and grow crops. （用非谓语短语的形式）eg. ? →Some years later, in order to develop economy, people began to … ? → Some years later, eager to develop economy, people began to …

8